I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
