I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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