the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
