I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
