you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
