My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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