Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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