Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
