sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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