Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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