Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
