is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
