We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize