Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
