There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
