I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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