I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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