Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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