New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
