you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And then he peed in my hair
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
