I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
