how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
