I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Alive.
So much puke
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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