I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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