The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
