I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
