Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
