Your mouth is God's brothel.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
