went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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