I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
