Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
