My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
