i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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