I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
