I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
