Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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