unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
