we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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