There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
