So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My vagina is officially offended.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
