Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
