she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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