I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
