So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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