me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
