Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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