the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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