Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
