I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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