i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
