I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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