god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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