Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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