I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
