I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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