I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
