I CAN MOONWALK!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
