We're like a lot better than the average bears
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At least life still wants to fuck me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
