Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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