I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
