So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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