apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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