singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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