Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
