Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
