I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
