it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
