so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
