One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
