I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
