I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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