I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
