He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
