He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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