you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
