pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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