so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
