he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
